Henry VIII dines in 2009

Experimenting with cookery and exotic ingredients put Tudor England at the heart of the culinary world. 4Food spent a day in life of the wife-swapping monarch, Henry VIII, to see how he would enjoy a taste of 21st century cuisine

“I awoke as I wake every morning – ferocious and hungry for meat. The manservant brought me a meager breakfast of fried eels and a fine English dish of Yorkshire pudding packed with two styles of pig.

After a snack of lambs kidneys with mustard on brioche I was inspired to visit the hunting grounds of Richmond to find a stag worthy of falling to the king’s arrow. Yet to my horror a youth in green sleeves prevented me taking up my bow against a single beast! With fury I gave order that a pair of swans be taken to roast immediately but the cursed knave forbade this also and proclaimed the fowl possession of the Queen Elizabeth. “Verily thou art a boil-brained jolthead!” I exclaimed, “I am the monarch of this land and Elizabeth a mere child!” I could scarce box his ears before men arrived, bound my wrists in steel and forced me into a roaring metal chariot. They took me to a prison room lit by witchery and offered me a vessel of hot brown liquid called a ‘cuppatee’ which was only made palatable by the accompanying selection of biscuits.

By God’s own blessing an aide arrived and had me released from my shackles. He brought with him a turkey ’sandwich’ and much did this exotic meat soothe my worried nerves.

Weak with hunger I retired to my bedchamber where I was surprised to see returned the manservant I banished that morn to the Tower. No longer is it a prison but a most pleasing tourist attraction with a shop full of splendid sweetmeats. The fellow brought me an appetising stick of boiled sugar that he named ‘rock’ for truly does it punish the teeth like a fragment of mountain. The resourceful gentleman then demonstrated a contraption of much wonderment whereby on lifting a horn to the ear and pressing digits a voice appears and asks what vittles you desire. A short while later a wondrous spicy spread of curries was delivered to my bedside and well did I feast into the night.”

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