Sherlock Holmes dines in 2009

The Victorians loved a good feast but what would they make of contemporary fare? 4Food spent a day in the life of Victorian super sleuth, Sherlock Holmes, and imagined how he would dine in 2009.

“Unfamiliar with the modern day drug den I spent an uncomfortable night in East London with no staff to prepare my pipe and a high degree of animosity and litter. Must one now be an animal to indulge in illicit pleasure?

Picking my way past ungrammatically daubed walls I headed west in search of a smoked fish breakfast to fire up my brain. Spotting what looked like a suitable establishment I waited my turn in an illogical queue and politely requested a plate of kippers with delicately poached eggs. The facially pierced waiter looked on aghast. “I’d settle for kedgeree,” I rallied, “if I must?”

“We’ve got organic muesli,” offered my self-mutilated friend. The adventurer inside me jumped at the bait and I awaited my muesli debut with an eager belly. But what a scandal I was served – a bowl of oats and fruits not fit to feed a horse. How can a man fight crime fed on the scraps from the miller’s floor?

I retreated from my organic hell and began the hunt for a heartier lunch, soon stumbling across a greasy pit of exotic aromas. ‘All you can eat curry’ said the sign on the door so I pushed my way into another world. Mrs Hudson’s powdery attempts to curry a rabbit paled in comparison to the culinary decadence that was beef madras.

Senses sated as I thought only opium could, I now craved only sugar to make my feast complete. Idling into a cake shop I requested some titillating jelly but the buffoon behind the counter said she didn’t cater for kids. “The children be damned,” I cried, “can’t a grown man enjoy an exquisite dessert?” But the buffoon merely proffered a blueberry muffin. “How elementary!” I sighed at her in disgust and bought a Curly Wurly instead.”

Check out Heston’s Victorian Feast.

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