Our chief correspondent roams across the news agenda bringing both light and shade to his topical reports.
Oh to be in England now that a few hours of the kind of weather the south-east has every year is about to happen. Because of this entirely predictable and normal event, it is good to see we have what we need: emergency advice and plenty of it.
Not a cloud in sight as terror HEATWAVE killer savages London pic.twitter.com/WgPgsCR9ET
— alex thomson (@alextomo) July 17, 2014
The key thing is to avoid standing in the sun for hours wearing chain mail.
Oh and remember to drink water which is a drink and can be drunk using your mouth. Please also remember that it is important to swallow the water for the full benefit.
Those using public transport are advised to breathe – particularly during the peak hours of travel. Failure to breathe – particularly in hot and crowded places – can quickly lead to light-headedness and Seasonally Affected Suddenly Falling Over Syndrome.
For those caught out by the lethally fatal killer temperatures in cars, both passengers and drivers should bear in mind that repeatedly smashing your head against the dashboard could cause head injuries including an injured head.
On the subject of cars, it is advisable to remove all pets from any vehicle if you intend throwing unleaded petrol over the interior upholstery and setting it on fire.
Research by leading animal welfare charities shows this can be highly dangerous and cause injury to most leading breeds of dog.
Lastly, those not living in the overheated, self-absorbed south-east are advised to patronise each other with any pointless guff to hand, using new and old media, in order to feel a part of what is going on.
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This is precisely the kind of act guaranteed to wipe the gloss of the weekend euphoria as US Secretary of State John Kerry flew in to Kabul to broker a deal between arch-rivals.
A 24 per cent spike in civilian casualties in Afghanistan in the first half of 2014 suggests the Taliban and other insurgent groups are on the march again.
You can’t really complain about a shadow over Rangers and the effect on the club’s value when the club itself has broken the rules.
We were supposed to leave Afghanistan with some kind of credible military forces to stop all this from happening. That does not look very credible.
Going to the Tour de France as a spectator is all about everything Big Sport left behind when it decided to become Big Business.
Tony Blair’s former spin doctor denies taking money from the Sisi regime, but insists the west must engage with Egypt.
Tony Blair’s people insist he will earn no money from his advising of “President” Sisi of Egypt, who seized power in the recent coup and sealed it in a phony election.
It has been called the Trial of the Century and cost millions of pounds. But the phone hacking trial also raises serious questions about our political system.
The main parties have been running scared of what Ukip has to say. Hopefully, these election results will encourage a new atmosphere of real debate.